


It's Always Sunny in the Atlantic Rim

by InsanityRule



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Crossover, Newt is Charlie, Original Kaiju - Freeform, Screenplay/Script Format
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-17
Updated: 2015-05-07
Packaged: 2018-03-23 08:25:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 8,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3761461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsanityRule/pseuds/InsanityRule
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I know they don’t look like much but they’re [turns and looks at the Gang again.]. Oh my God every time I look at them I feel worse this is so stupid they’re awful! They’re in terrible shape shut up Mac! [Mac had put his hand up to protest but he puts it down.] And it’s not even Mighty Ducks out of shape where a couple montages and team spirit pull everything together! They’re just awful to their cores! All the way through! God we’re so dead this is so stupid."</p><p>In which the gang is the world's only hope when a new beach opens in the Atlantic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on for the long haul on this one.  
> The first like, ten chapters are going to be a bit slow and build up the overall idea of this AU.

[9:30 am.]

[On a Saturday.]

[Philadelphia, PA.]

[Year 2030.]

[Charlie is working on a digital jukebox.]

[Phone begins ringing.]

Charlie: God damn ancient land lines. [Wipes his hands on his jeans.] You’d think we’d update that first. [Muttering.] Hello?

Male Voice: Ah, yes, this is the establishment Paddy’s Pub, correct?

Charlie: Yep. Let me guess, got too drunk and left your dignity here? It’s too early for prank calls dude.

Male Voice: Ah, this must be Newton.

Charlie: [Glances around.] Who is Newton?

Male Voice: An insufferable Kaiju Groupie with whom I’ve had the utmost displeasure of drifting with.

Charlie: Herms?

Hermann: I do insist you stop calling me that Dr. Geiszler.

Charlie/Newt: Jesus it’s been five years. How’d you get this number, no, wait, you figured out what it means to internet stalk someone. Hermann I’m touched but-

Hermann: Dr. Geiszler, there are far more pressing matters at hand.

Charlie/Newt: What happened? It didn’t open again did it?

Hermann: Not exactly. The Pacific has remained Kaiju free.

Charlie/Newt: Well then what happened? What did you find?

Hermann: I’ve detected a signature elsewhere. It’s in the middle of the North Atlantic Ocean. There is a new breach.

Charlie/Newt: [Holds the phone away. Looks out the front window.] Shit.

[It’s Always Sunny in the Atlantic Rim.]

[Pacific Rim Title Theme.]

Charlie/Newt: [Charlie locks the bar and goes to the vents. he crawls fast into his bad room. He grabs a box labeled Kaiju notes and drags it to the main office.] [He pick the phone back up.] Still there Hermann?

Hermann: Yes, despite your rudeness.

Newt: I needed my notes okay? Where are you? How soon should we meet?

Hermann: I am currently in the Union of the University of Philadelphia. If you could spare the time, now would be preferable. I believe the earlier we discuss this the better.

Newt: Be right there.

[Dee and Dennis enter before Charlie can leave.]

Dennis: Dude, that player is far from repaired.

Charlie: You’re the one who thought the jukebox made us look old now move I gotta go!

Dee: What’s in the box Charlie?

Charlie: Stuff okay? I gotta go say did you drive Dee thanks! [Grabs her keys.] I’ll be back!

Dee: Charlie! Hey! Get back here you asshole!

Charlie: No time Dee!

[Charlie races to the college.]

Newt: C’mon c’mon Hermann hurry. [Drumming his fingers.] Jesus man we don’t have all day!

[Hermann exits the Union and Newt honks frantically. Hermann scowls and hurries over.]

Hermann: You can stop honking I’m right here! [Sits down and buckles in. Cane in both hands.] We have a problem, Newton.

Newt: You’re telling me. Hey, uh, I gotta piss I’ll be right back!

Hermann: Newton I just sat down! The lab has a lavatory!

Newt: One second! [Runs at full speed.]

[In the bathroom Charlie rips at his eyes and slips on a pair of glasses. He pulls off his shirt before ripping off false sleeves, revealing his tattoos.]

[Camera focuses on the contacts on the sink.]

[Newt redresses and leaves.]

Newt: Okay, I’m good. [Left eye visible, still has the red halo.]

Hermann: I had wondered… [Same halo.]

Newt: Tell me everything.

 

[Newt parks at the research lab.]

Hermann: As you know I have been working on monitoring the oceans, unlike you, who returned to a life of squalor it would seem.

Newt: Yeah shut up I’ll shave later. What did you see?

Hermann: A new breach, here. [Points to a hologram of the world.] It has yet to release a Kaiju, or any other creature. As of right now it appears dormant though that will undoubtedly change.

Newt: Is it smaller?

Hermann: By a fair amount. It has many possibilities, but I suspect the creatures that will eventually emerge will be considerably smaller than the Kaiju.

Newt: Smaller doesn’t mean easier to get rid of. They can be faster, harder to get a hold of, easier for them to hide. Anything really. Shit, this is already a mess. How’s your research going?

Hermann: As of right now, poor. I need more bodies in the lab.

Newt: And now we need Rangers. Where’s Herc?

Hermann: Australia. I attempted to contact Rangers Mori and Beckett, though they remain difficult to contact.

Newt: Great, just great. We have potential Kaiju, no Jaegers, no crew, no Rangers. We’re royally screwed here Hermann.

Hermann: We are not, in fact, “royally screwed” Newton. And we do have one crew member with extensive experience and knowledge.

Newt: Who?

Tendo: Long time no see, Newt. Woah, hobo is not a good look for you my friend.

Newt: Tendo! [Hugs him.] Oh man we’re not dead yet.

Tendo: Good to know my talents are appreciated.

Hermann: Ahem. [Both look at him.] We are also not without Jaegers, though they are rather different than what you’re probably expecting.

[All three walk into a warehouse on the edge of the campus.]

Hermann: Each was designed originally to aid in the reconstruction after the original breech was closed. We have been modifying a few in order to be proactive should the need arrive.

[Jaegers all around 25 feet tall. Few appear to have guns. One is around 50 feet, but barely constructed.]

Hermann: I’m afraid the largest one is in need of maintenance.

Newt: It doesn’t have arms Hermann!

Hermann: The small ones are more than suitable. Single pilot models, lightweight frames, nimble, and as of right now our only line of defense.

Newt: And we have no pilots.

Tendo: Not a one.

Newt: I’ll hate myself for this later, but I have an idea.


	2. Chapter 2

[Paddy’s Pub.]

[11:42 am.]

Dee: Where the hell is Charlie?

Dennis: You’re just mad he took your car.

Dee: Of course I’m mad about that! Are you kidding me!? What if he took your car? Huh?

Dennis: Never going to happen.

Mac: [Looking out the window.] I see him!

Dee: Finally!

[Charlie enters, wiping his glasses on his shirt.]

Dee: Damn it Charlie if you think you’re- hello what?

Mac: Dude! Since when do you have tattoos?

Dennis: And glasses?

Mac: [Grabs his shoulders.] Who are you and what did you do to Charlie!?

Charlie: Mac Jesus it’s me! God I already hate this idea. Dennis, you have a razor here right?

Dennis: Um… an electric one yeah. Why?

Charlie: Give it. [Disappears to the bathroom once Dennis hands it over.]

Dee: What the hell is going on?

Dennis: I’ve never seen Charlie shave. This is clearly an imposter, and I will not stand for this.

Mac: This tattoo bitch probably kidnapped the real Charlie! We gotta save him Dennis.

Dennis: Whatever this guy says we go along with it, then, when he reveals Charlie’s location we attack! Mac are you prepared to pounce when the time arises?

Mac: Always bro I got this. [Flexing.]

Dennis: Dee if Mac fails, if, [Tone indicates he means when.] you’re in the queue to attack.

Dee: Got it.

Mac: We won’t need you though I can do this.

Charlie: [Exits the bathroom, rubbing his chin.] Your razor sucks Dennis.

Dennis: It’s set to leave a five o'clock shadow. You know, for that rugged look.

Charlie: If rugged means ‘dumb ass who overslept’ sure. [Walks up to Mac.] Hold still dude.

Mac: What?

[Charlie runs his hands through Mac’s hair and uses the gel he gets from it to style his hair.]

Charlie: Thanks dude.

[Mac is very confused.]

Dennis: So “Charlie”, what’s with the tattoos? You’ve never had them before.

Charlie: We don’t have time for this Dennis we need to get going now.

Dee: We want some answers first.

[Mac is lifting Charlie’s shirt, Charlie fights him off.]

Dennis: What the hell are you doing Mac?

Mac: I wanted to see the rest of them.

Charlie: Don’t just strip me dude I’ll show you them later Jesus Christ. I’ll explain in the car but we need to go now.

Dennis: How do we know you’re not an imposter trying to kidnap us?

Charlie: I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU’RE NOT IN THE CAR IN TEN SECONDS I’M GOING TO LOSE IT.

 

[In Dee’s car.]

[Charlie is driving.]

Dee: I don’t see why you get to drive my car.

Charlie: I know where we’re going okay shut up Dee. [Muttering.] Goddamn bitch I’m trying to save the world.

Mac: Dude why are we at the college?

Dee: You said you’d explain yourself Charlie.

Charlie: Okay fine! A new breach opened and we have little manpower and you guys are dumb as shit but you’ll be okay pilots and I’d be more worried about convincing you to help but you’ll all probably do it for the fame. I’m a biologist and I have college degrees and I have dealt with this shit before and MAC STOP TOUCHING MY GLASSES.

Mac: But you don’t wear glasses.

Charlie: I had contacts okay? I wanted the halo covered.

Mac: But it’s badass dude it’s like your eye blew up.

Charlie: Yeah, sure, because I love remembering how I almost died to get it. Best part of my morning.

Dennis: What the hell is a breach?

Charlie: Door to another dimension. Bad shit comes through. God I hate having to dumb this down. Do you remember the giant monsters from like, a few years ago?

[All three respond in various ways, all saying no.]

Charlie: How are you this oblivious!? Oh my God we’re dead.


	3. Chapter 3

[In the warehouse.]

Dee: What is this place?

Charlie: Jaeger bay. Robots. It’s what you’ll all pilot. We’re meeting Tendo and Hermann. Please do not say anything… nevermind just… God we’re so screwed.

[They approach a makeshift LOCCENT of sorts. Tendo is setting up monitors and instruments. Hermann is at a chalk board.]

Dee: Oh snap! Science bitches!

[Charlie puts his face in his hands.]

Tendo: Um… who’re these people Newt?

Newt/Charlie: They’re my friends. [Full of regret.]

Hermann: And you’re claiming they will be a suitable substitute to our original team of Rangers?

Newt/Charlie: I know they don’t look like much but they’re [turns and looks at the Gang again.]. Oh my God every time I look at them I feel worse this is so stupid they’re awful! They’re in terrible shape shut up Mac! [Mac had put his hand up to protest but he puts it down.] And it’s not even Mighty Ducks out of shape where a couple montages and team spirit pull everything together! They’re just awful to their cores! All the way through! God we’re so dead this is so stupid.

[Newt/Charlie runs off down the bay.]

[Tendo gives Herman a ‘go talk to him’ stare.]

Hermann: Alright I will go after him! Why don’t you acquaint these three with the Jaegers, Mr. Choi?

Tendo: Will do brother.

[Hermann follows Newt.]

Tendo: We didn’t get a chance to introduce ourselves before Newt went all melodramatic on us. My name’s Tendo, and the stuffy Britishy guy is Dr. Hermann Gottlieb.

Dee: Why are you dressed like that?

Tendo: Like what?

Dennis: You’re dressed like a nerdy Elvis.

Mac: If Elvis was short.

[Tendo is not amused.]

 

Hermann: Newton will you calm down?

[Newt sits behind a crate.]

Hermann: It cannot be as bad as you think.

Newt: Yes it can. [Takes off his glasses.] I meant well, really, and they’ll be safer here than out there when something does come through, but they’re awful, stupid people Hermann. They aren’t cut out to pilot anything. You must think I’m an idiot.

Hermann: This is not even close to making the list of reasons why I know you’re an idiot, Dr. Geiszler. And you have good intentions, if a bit flawed. Do they know what they will be fighting?

Newt: They have no idea. When I was in Hong Kong they were over here on the opposite side of the states completely oblivious to everything going down. We’re going to have to crash course them and get them into fighting shape. And by us I mean Hansen. Did you talk to him yet?

Hermann: I had not. My priorities were calling upon Mr. Choi and you. Time was valuable and he is unable to pilot.

Newt: Right, the arm. Well now’s as good a time as ever. Well, shit, not now now, because it’s fuck o’clock in Australia, but later today, definitely.

 

[Jaeger bay.]

Tendo: These are the Jaegers.

Mac: It’s a robot.

Tendo: That’s what Jaeger means, brother.

Dee: Well this is America so they’re robots.

Tendo: They’re Jaegers. They’re going to stay Jaegers and [Mac is messing with one of the Jaeger legs.] Don’t do that!

Mac: How do I get inside? I wanna test this bad boy out.

Tendo: You’re not going in one yet.

Mac: That’s bullshit!

Hermann: What Mr. Choi is trying to tell you is you are in no shape to pilot a Jaeger at this time.

Dennis: Maybe not Mac but I’m in great shape.

Newt/Charlie: Dude a desk chair could take you down you’re not piloting yet. Do we even have the equipment?

Hermann: Minimal. But even if we did they will still need to wait until we can provide piloting suits and helmets. And ideally we will test everyone for drift compatibility to ensure a team will be available barring the largest Jaeger’s completion.

Tendo: I’m nearly set up with the basics. But I need more power to get my better equipment up and running.

Newt/Charlie: I can make a pons if we need it but I’d rather get a hold of an old unit.

Hermann: [Looks past Newt, and is horrified.] What on earth are you three doing?

[Dennis is sitting on Mac’s shoulders. Dee spotting. He’s trying to look in a Jaeger.]

Dennis: Um… just… getting a better view?

Newt/Charlie: Jesus Christ. [Rubbing his eyes.]

 

Charlie: Okay, you guys need to bring anything you think you’ll want here, because after you get back you’re sleeping here for the next… a long time.

Dennis: I’m not doing that.

Charlie: I’m not asking Dennis okay? You guys need to get into pilot shape, and there is no way in hell you’d do it on your own, so once the Marshal is here you’re not leaving again.

Dee: It’s a kidnapping we knew it.

Mac: We’re stronger than you Charlie! Just try to kidnap me!

Charlie: JUST DO THIS OKAY? PLEASE? WE’RE TRYING TO SAVE THE WORLD YOU ASSHOLES!

[The three leave muttering curses.]


	4. Chapter 4

Hermann: At the rate you’re going Newton you will have an aneurism long before a threat emerges.

Newt: They’re driving me crazy and it hasn’t even been a day. I think my beard buffers their bullshit maybe I should grow it back to test the theory.

Hermann: Highly improbable.

Newt: I can dream okay? We should call Hansen now, he should be awake.

[Sitting at Tendo’s monitors Hermann and Newt wait for Hansen to pick up.]

Hansen: [Bleary.] You do realize it’s 6:30 in the bloody morning.

Hermann: Apologies Marshall, but we didn’t have much choice.

Hansen: So it’s Marshall business eh? I told you lot I’m on holiday-

Newt: There’s a new breach [Pause.] sir.

Hansen: Where are you stationed?

Newt: Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. We’ll send you the address.

Hansen: I’ll get there as soon as I can. I’ll give you a call when I’m stateside.

[Hansen hangs up.]

Newt: Now what?

Hermann: Now, while we have the time, we set up LOCCENT.

 

[The Gang enters the warehouse at midnight.]

Charlie: Jesus finally.

Mac: Dennis couldn’t make up his mind about bringing his damn makeup.

Tendo: Makeup?

Dennis: It’s… I like to look nice it’s not weird for a guy to wear makeup. It improves my color.

Tendo: So would eating.

Charlie/Newt: Ha, nice Tendo. Say, did the Marshall leave Australia yet?

Tendo: About… ten minutes ago.

Charlie/Newt: So a full day and I get to be at the damn airport at midnight.

Hermann: The sooner he arrives the better. Before he does, Newton, you should begin deciding what equipment your lab will need.

Charlie/Newt: Yeah, true. I’ll get on that.

Dee: Who the hell is Newton?

Charlie/Newt: Me. But seriously Hermann I’d prefer Newt-

Dennis: You’re Charlie.

Charlie/Newt: To you guys I’m Charlie. To them, and my degrees, I’m Dr. Newton Geiszler.

Dennis: Well, that’s dumb as shit, so I’m going to call you Charlie. [Dee and Mac agree.]

Charlie/Newt:Sure fine I don’t care I’ll answer to both. Now I have to get work done so just go over there, see those shitty office fake walls? There’s beds between them. Pick one out and get some damn sleep.

[Dennis goes over and makes a point of testing every single bed.]

Charlie/Newt: Dennis it’s a bed they’re all new! Shitty but new!

Dennis: Do I not have time to choose Charlie? If I’m sleeping here I will be God damned comfortable when I do. I agreed to stay, not to be jerked around by a guy with crazy tattoos-

Mac: Badass tattoos.

Dennis: And nerd glasses!

Charlie/Newt: Fine! Fine, just hurry up.

[Mac is counting silently. Pointing.]

Mac: There’s more beds than people Charlie.

Charlie/Newt: The Marshall will need a bed.

Tendo: And I’m trying to get a crew put together. We’ll need the living space once we have workers.

Charlie/Newt: I’d rather have too few places to sleep.

Tendo: Amen brother. Bodies over beds. Worst case scenario I’ll just drink more coffee. Works like a charm.

Charlie/Newt: Don’t kill yourself Tendo we need you.

Hermann: Ahem. Coffee aside, I suggest while we have the privilege we try and get some proper rest.

Charlie/Newt: Such a wet- [Yawns.] Yeah I’m going to bed.

 

[Mac is sitting at the foot of Dennis’ bed.]

[Dennis rolls over, sees Mac, startles, falls out of bed.]

Dennis: What the hell are you doing?

Mac: Dude this place blows. Science bitches, Charlie’s all weird and smart… we should just go home dude.

Dennis: C’mere. [Gets back in bed and takes out his phone.] You need to see this.

[Dennis shows Mac some old news footage from Axehead’s attack.]

Mac: Den… dude.

Dennis: I looked up this shit when we were at the apartment. Quality’s crap but you get the idea.

Mac: So… we’re not being tricked and kidnapped?

Dennis: Dude, from the look of this, [Taps his screen and Axehead roars.] we wish we were just being kidnapped.


	5. Chapter 5

[Philadelphia airport.]

[Newt is sitting in a car, waiting outside.]

Newt: [Waves and sticks out the window.] Ah! Marshall! Sir [Crappy salute.] uh, thanks so-

Hansen: We don’t have all bloody week Dr. Geiszler let’s get to it.

Newt: Right, right. [He gets back in and Hansen gets in passenger seat.] I’m not gonna lie we don’t have much.

Hansen: Jaegers?

Newt: A few modified construction Jaegers. We don’t have the crew to fix the biggest one… or maintain the smaller ones, or add anything to them other than the skeletons and whatever Hermann scrounged up before funds went dry. He and Tendo are kind of a two man band in the new LOCCENT and I don’t have a lab. We also have no experienced pilots.

Hansen: This is already a bloody nightmare.

Newt: God you have no idea.

 

[Dennis and Mac are trying to crawl inside one of the Jaegers.]

Hermann: Mr.’s Reynolds and McDonald! Climb down from there this instant!

[They freeze.]

Hermann: If you insist on continuing these attempts to trespass in the Jaegers we’ll be forced to-

Mac: You can’t tell us what to do science bitch!

Hermann: I most certainly-

Dennis: God damnit! I demand I be treated with the respect and adoration a Golden God like myself deserves! I am your savior! Your salvation!

Hermann: Are you mad?

Dennis: I’m livid!

Hermann: Not angry you imbecile-!

Charlie/Newt: Hermann what the hell!

Hermann: Your daft companions insist on climbing all over the Jaegers as if they are a jungle gym! I haven’t even seen the third one all day. They’re a nuisance! I prefer your company to theirs!

Charlie/Newt: Woah Hermann don’t have a coronary. Jesus it’s like, two in the morning I am not awake enough for this. Marshall, maybe we should just postpone introductions until tomorrow… today… after sleep.

Hansen: A good night’s sleep sounds… what’re you doing?

[Mac is crouching, silently trying to get Max to come over. He freezes.]

Hansen: [Sighs and unhooks the leash.] Go on ya big brute. Soak it up.

[Max waddles over and licks Mac’s face.]

Dennis: That is disgusting.

Mac: He’s just friendly dude. [Laughing. Sputters when Max licks his mouth.] Sick!

Hansen: Max, heel. [Max pants up at him.] You can slobber over new faces in the morning. Seven am, 0700, sharp. [Pointing to Dennis and Mac.]

Dennis: What!? That is obscenely early-

Hansen: Be grateful I didn’t say six like I originally planned. Geiszler, a word. [Newt follows.]  
You mentioned three. Now, I know an Aussie’s math isn’t quite the same as this side of the equator, but I see two sorry excuses for pilots unless you’re planning on doing it yourself.

Newt: Oh no, no way. Dee’s somewhere, I’ll find her I swear. She’ll be there tomorrow at seven dude- Marshall!

Hansen: I expect you there too.

Newt: What!

Hansen: While they’re busting their arses trying to get into shape you and Gottlieb are getting me up to speed. Plans, funding, the whole bloody lot. Too early in the morning to start trying to save the world, Geiszler?

Newt: No, no I got this I’ll be there. Beds are all over there in the office wall maze from hell.


	6. Chapter 6

[Newt finds Hermann at his chalkboard.]

Newt: Not the same without that crazy big wall of boards. I miss your ladder Herms.

Hermann: Newton… [He sighs.] For now this setup is sufficient. I have very little data to work with, though I suppose I am pleased to have a reliable baseline.

Newt: I’ll take baseline over a spike. Say, you seen Dee anywhere?

Hermann: Ms. Reynolds left with an emphatic ‘screw you’ to Tendo when he insisted she stay. It’s been quite a long time now.

Newt: Jesus. She’ll turn up hopefully. Marshall wants them, and us, up at seven. We gotta get him up to speed while he whips their asses into shape.

Hermann: Then I suggest you hurry and locate Ms. Reynolds so you may rest.

Newt: Yeah, hopefully- did anyone check her bed?

 

[Dee is passed the fuck out, holding a bag of chips. Various alcohol is on the floor.]

Hermann: Charming.

Charlie/Newt: It’s a quirk. Stress response. Kaiju will do that.

Hermann: Your other companion’s God complex is also a delight.

Charlie/Newt: They have flaws I get it. You’re no perfect specimen yourself, what with the grandpa clothes and the Oscar the Grouch routine. It’s like you’re seventy dude.

Hermann: I’m certain you have your own set of flaws, Kaiju Groupie.

Charlie/Newt: Wouldn’t have it any other way.

 

[0705 hours.]

[Mac snoring.]

Hansen: [Pats the foot of the bed.] Up Max. [Dog gets front paws up and whines.] For the- Up you go you fat arse. [Lifts Max.] Wake this one. I got the next.

[Max licks Mac’s face and lies beside him.]

[Hansen pulls a bleary eyes Dennis to Mac’s bed.]

Hansen: Bloody traitor. [Hansen shoos Max and tips over Mac’s bed.]

Mac: [Hair sticking up.] Wh-huh? [Max licks him.] ‘M up!

Dennis: It is too Goddamn early for this.

Dee: [Stumbles over.] You assholes woke me up.

Hansen: That is the idea. Mr. Choi! [All three flinch.]

Tendo: [From across the way.] Yes Marshall!

Hansen: I do hope we have a proper breakfast prepared!

Tendo: We do sir!

Dennis: Now hold on a minute.

 

[Hermann raps his can on Newt’s bed.]

Newt: [Squawks.] Oh my God Hermann I only slept three hours! [Rubbing his face.]

Hermann: As did I, Dr. Geiszler. Now, I believe the Marshall is waiting for us.

[Dennis shouting something far enough to not be understandable.]

Newt: Oh shit, what now?

[Hermann and Newt join the rest.]

Dennis: This is inhumane! A direct violation of my rights! A-

Charlie/Newt: Dennis what the hell is wrong now?

Dennis: Charlie! This place is a prison! They’re- this short Elvis-

Charlie/Newt: Tendo.

Dennis: -telling me what I can and can’t eat! It’s not okay Charlie and I for one-

Charlie/Newt: Dennis shut up for like, five seconds. [Dennis quietly fumes.] Jesus Tendo what did you say?

Hansen: He said the same thing I told him to say. You lot are in terrible shape, and by the sound of it you eat worse than Max. If you’re going to pilot you will eat like a pilot. Three meals-

Dennis: Bullshit!

Hansen: -with a balanced diet, no exceptions.

Dennis: They can’t tell me how to eat Charlie!

Charlie/Newt: Dennis, Dennis chill out dude. Listen to me. If you try to pilot right now, with your diet, you will literally die. Experienced pilots have passed out before from not eating enough.

Dennis: I eat perfectly fine, Charlie.

Charlie/Newt: Sure, sure, but not for a pilot dude. And there’s way more exercise, so you’ll balance out. It’s all healthy food Dennis. Whole wheat shit, fruit, veggies, meat. All fully balanced.

Tendo: Brother you will burn through all that in a heartbeat.

Mac: Dude, Den, we’ll be so ripped bro. Tens will be crawling over us. [Hands on Dennis’ shoulders.] Please Den?

Dennis: Alright alright fine. But this is my choice not them telling me what to do.


	7. Chapter 7

Newt/Charlie: [After the three walk away to the food table.] So Tendo how’d you get all this food?

Tendo: Don’t think I can cook?

Newt/Charlie: Dude, you are already above and beyond awesome. We’ll bribe some culinary students it’s a college.

Tendo: Naw, who needs to sleep.

Hansen: Sure as hell isn’t any of us, Mr. Choi. Although I wouldn’t mind a shower one of these days.

Tendo: All in the plans, sir. That back area with beds will hold twice as many once we get a construction crew to make rooms. [Brings up a hologram blueprints.] Here, and here there’s already some water hookups, we just need to build the showers. Until then we can bum off the showers in the gym, but it’s not ideal.

Hermann: This small brick building, here, [Points to the grounds.] has been commandeered for labspace for Dr. Geiszler and I. We both need equipment, though until a specimen is available Dr. Geiszler’s is lower in priority, though that isn’t the case if you ask him.

Newt: I want my instruments man, I need a microscope. I also put in requests for my preserved specimens yesterday. Could be hit or miss with quality, but they’ll be good for comparison with whatever comes through this breach.

Hansen: Good. And how about our old pilots? Mori and Becket still not available?

Hermann: Unfortunately. They’re off the grid with the rebuild team in New Zealand. It could be some time before they even receive any messages.

Hansen: So those three are it?

Newt: No one else is stupid enough to pilot for us right now. We have tiny Jaegers and barely any funding.

Hansen: What do we have for funds?

Hermann: The late Lars Gottlieb has graciously left his estate. [Smug.]

Newt: You smarmy bastard.

Hermann: That’s hardly the correct-

Newt: You donated your dad’s money?

Harmann: None of us particularly needed the money, and it is satisfying to know he would never have approved of the donation given the chance to protest. Unfortunately we are nearly out of funds. It secured us the Jaegers deemed ‘not worth repairing’ and the buildings, plus a few repairs for the smaller units.

Newt: Jesus you never said they were trash Jaegers!

Hermann: They function perfectly fine. Or, they will be shortly.

Newt: Except the armless one.

Hermann: A proper crew will have it up in no time.

Hansen: From the looks of them [Points to the Gang. Mac flinging food at Dee and Max eating the dropped pieces.] the Jaegers will be ready first.

Newt: Yeah but they’re resilient, like a cockroach.

Hermann: It is proving to be terrifyingly accurate.

Newt: You have no idea.

Tendo: I have not even begun to figure out their dynamics brother, er, Marshall. But they’re all close knit, probably a lot of drift compatibility between them.

Hansen: Sounds like a lot of good news. What’s the bad?

Newt: No… not bad, really. They’re just [Mumbles.]

Hansen: Speak up Geiszler.

Newt: They’re forty and alcoholics and um… yeah.

Hansen: [Gets real quiet.] You’re expecting me to get a bunch of lazy, unhealthy, alcoholic-

Newt: They prefer overzealous party drinkers.

Hansen: 40 year old degenerates to be fit for Jaeger piloting before anything comes through the breach?

Tendo: That is our current pipe dream Marshall.

Hansen: Well gentlemen, we have a lot of work ahead of us.

 

[Mac, Dennis, and Dee in sweats standing in the bay.]

[Hansen, with Max following, paces back and forth.]

Hansen: You lot are in terrible shape, but I need to know how terrible. Give it your all. Go!

 

[All three panting and doubled over. Sweating profusely.]

Newt/Charlie: Are you kidding me you ran the bay one time!

[Camera zooms out to reveal football field length bay.]

Mac: Runnings- hard- dude.

Hansen: That was a disgrace! You lot are better suited doing Tendo’s job! Again!

Dennis: Dude we just-

Hansen: RUN!

Newt/Charlie: I am so sorry, Marshall.

Hansen: You get running too, Geiszler.

Newt: WHAT!

Hansen: We need all able bodies ready to pilot. And for now you have no work to do so get running.

Newt: Then Tendo should too!

Hansen: He’s running our equipment, Geiszler.

Newt: Sir, Hermann can do that! Tendo should run too!

Hansen: [Nods.] Mr. Choi!

Tendo: Sir!

Hansen: Start running!

[Tendo gives Net a dirty look as he runs.]

Newt: Bite me. If I’m running you are too.


	8. Chapter 8

[Everyone’s disheveled at lunch. Dennis face down on the table.]

Hansen: Pathetic, the whole lot. Max has better stamina. After lunch, stretching. After dinner, weights. Rinse off at the school gym, and we start the whole shebang in the morning.

Dennis: Charlie when we die from this lunacy I’m hunting you down in hell.

Dee: Me too I did not sign up for this crap.

[Mac is snoring at the table.]

Tendo: I might agree with them. That was ice cold. [Desperately trying to fix his hair.]

Newt/Charlie: Able bodies, Tendo. [Pulls off his shirt.] Man it’s way too hot in here.

Dee: Hello what?

Dennis: It’s not just your arms?

Charlie: I have one on my ass wanna see?

Hansen: When we’re in the showers ladies. [Raps on the table and Mac startles.] Get a slow walk in before stretches. Mr. Choi, after lunch I need paperwork to request funding on my desk ASAP.

Tendo: Where’s your desk Marshall?

Hasnen: Metaphorical desk Mr. Choi. I’ll be back in less than an hour.

Tendo: I need workout clothes if this is going to continue. How about you Newt?

Newt: Dude I don’t have anything I haven’t left in like… since I got here. Whatever I have boxers I’m good.

Tendo: I’m not stretching behind you. [Newt flips him off.] Enjoy your meal guys.

Dee: Charlie this is the worst shit you’ve ever made us do.

Dennis: I didn’t… not just me, none of us signed up for this. I will leave tonight I swear. This is cruel and unusual punishment and we didn’t even do a Goddamned thing to deserve it!

Charlie: You guys weren’t there okay? You didn’t even know something was wrong! I was there every damn day, busting my ass to save y- the world! Thousands of people died! People I knew personally! You guys are selfish assholes! Just once, this one time, do something for someone else!

 

Newt: Skipping lunch?

Hermann: I ate while you were running. [Typing away.]

Newt: New code?

Hermann: Calibration tests. One of the constructors has a new joint and it’s causing some grinding.

New: Ah. [Awkward silence.] So uh, sorry about your dad.

Hermann: I require no sympathy, Newton. It has been some time and he was, as you eloquently put it some years ago, a ‘stubborn arsehole unfit for the position of power he weaseled his way into.’

Newt: Hey, don’t paraphrase me. I also called him a shitty father. And I said asshole, not arsehole, British grandpa.

Hermann: His legacy is still being torn down as we speak. [Ignoring the nickname.] And his money is the only reason we are-

Newt: Not as screwed as we could be?

Hermann: I was going to say more prepared for the inevitable but if you insist on being crass.

Newt: I do. Say, any word on that PONS?

Hermann: A functioning unit is being unearthed from storage, though no one knows how much functionality actually remains.

Newt: Hopefully we can repair any damages.

[Camera focuses on blueprint hologram models of the Jaegers.]

Newt: Any names for them yet?

Hermann: For the Jaegers? [Newt nods.] No. Originally they were all generically named. I had considered letting the new pilots name them but-

Newt: Not unless you want one to be called Ass Blaster. Or Golden God, or-

Hermann: Point taken, Newton.

Newt: You know, even though they’re tiny they’re still pretty amazing.

Hermann: I’ve always thought so.

 

Tendo: Newt, catch. [Tosses Newt some shorts and a tank top.]

Newt: Awesome thanks.

[Pulls off his jeans. Mac stops him from putting on the shorts.]

Charlie/Newt: Jesus again? I said I’d show you don’t be so pushy.

Mac: I didn’t know they were on your legs too dude that’s sweet. [Starts pulling at Charlie’s underwear.]

Charlie/Newt: MAC WHAT THE HELL I’M NOT GETTING NAKED IN THE BAY!

Mac: [Puppy face.] I just wanted to see dude.

Charlie/Newt: Later okay? I’ll show- Shut up Tendo!

 

[One week later.]

Newt: None?

Hansen: The government would like some proof before they throw money at us. Until you two get it we’re staying privatized.

Newt: You mean poor.

Hermann: Marshall the signature is nearly identical-

Hansen: But it isn’t identical, Dr. Gottlieb. Governments want sure things. I trust you’ll find what you need. Good luck. [Leaves.]

Hermann: Newton, you know as well as I do that without funding we cannot get more evidence. We need more instruments.

[Newt spins a pen around his pointer finger.]

Newt: Can we take a check?

Hermann: We both know you don’t have money unless tattoos are liquid assets.

Newt: No, but Frank did.

Hermann: Newton-

Newt: I’ll be back in an hour!

 

[Hansen holding a stopwatch.]

Hansen: Go! [Beep.]

[Mac Dee and Dennis sprint.]

Hansen: Under two minutes let’s go!

[Running perimeter of the bay.]

Hansen: [Mac, Dee, Dennis.] 1:59, 2:01, 2:04.

Mac: YES! I think I’m gonna puke.

Hansen: Nice work. [Claps Mac on the shoulder.]

Mac: [Gets all bashful.] Thanks.

Hansen: Ten minutes, and we’ll go again. Drink some water. Everyone’s getting under two minutes before bed. [Leaves.]

Dennis: Impossible.

Dee: You’re holding us back Dennis.

Dennis: I don’t have your freakish stilt legs Dee!

Dee: What about Mac? He’s all stocky as shit but this ass kisser already got under two minutes!

Mac: I’m just more motivated than you bitches.

Dee: Yeah because you wanna bang the Aussie.

Mac: I do not! Take that back!

Dennis: Mac is right Dee he probably wants to be the one getting banged.

Dee: Oh yeah, this shithead wants to go toe to toe-

Dennis: Dick to dick.

Dee: With the Marshall. Mac you dog.

Dennis: You’ve chosen well Mac.

Mac: It’s not like that! I don’t wanna bang him!

[Mac storms off, upends a chair as he goes.]

Dee: Dickhole. Honestly we try to show some support.

Dennis: Some things never do change.


	9. Chapter 9

[Hermann is resting his forehead on steepled fingers.]

[Newt slaps a scrap of paper on the desk in front of Hermann, he jumps.]

Hermann: Dr. Geiszler-!

Newt: It’s a bank account.

[Hermann is derailed. He examines the paper.]

Newt: It’s not enough but it’s a start.

Hermann: We can purchase the suits, equipment, the contractors… Newton, where-

Newt: Frank had a big estate. Like, huge. Might as well put it towards something useful.

Hermann: My condolences-

Newt: Don’t worry about it, Herms. Gotta run.

 

[Charlie, Tendo, Dee, Mac round corner, Dennis dragging behind.]

Hansen: 1:58, 1:58, 1:59, 2:00… falling behind Dennis!

[Dennis tries picking up speed, calf cramp, shouts and goes down.]

Mac: DEN! [Barrels over.]

Hansen: That’s enough for tonight. Get some rest everyone. Tomorrow we do stretching only.

Mac: Den, hey Den I got you. [Helps him sit up.]

Hansen: [Kneels by Dennis’ feet.] Looks like a cramp.

Dennis: No fucking shit! [Crying.]

Hansen: Banana, plenty of water, and stretch the muscle out slowly. Light massages can help.

[Mac helps Dennis up onto a piggyback and carries him.]

Hansen: Mr. Choi.

Tendo: Yes Marshall.

Hansen: Think I’m pushing them too hard?

[Newt/Charlie wringing out his shoulders.]

[Dennis lying on his bed while Mac massages his calf.]

[Dee leaning over a trash can, probably just threw up.]

Tendo: What other option do we have sir.

 

[Quiet music. Everyone sitting on mats in the Jaeger bay sans Hansen and Hermann.]

Tendo: [Leading.] Focus on your breath. In. Out. [Eyes closed.] Calm your minds.

Dee: [Whispers.] This is boring as shit.

Tendo: Ignore the snarky bitches in your lives and breathe.

[Mac snickers. Dee punches him.]

Tendo: Refrain from touching each other and breathe.

Hansen: Room for one more?

Tendo: Just started. Move into Downward Facing Dog on our next exhale.

[First close up on Hansen’s arm. Badly scarred, lowered mobility in shoulder.]

 

[Hermann at monitor.]

[Blip.]

Hermann: No…

[Warrior 2 when Hermann comes over.]

[Newt only wearing half pants.]

Hermann: Newton.

Charlie/Newt: Hm? We’re doing yoga Hermann.

Hermann: There’s something you need to see. [Newt nods and follows.]

Tendo: Ignore the freaked out scientists as you move to Reverse Warrior. And breathe.

 

Newt: What’s so important Herms?

[Hermann sits at the monitor and turns to Newt.]

Newt: Shit is there a change?

Hermann: Right here.

[It’s a tiny bump.]

Newt: Are you kidding me?

Hermann: It is a change from the baseline! Any change in the signature is significant! It could mean a multitude of things!

Newt: Hold on hold on, do we have access to old signature readings?

Hermann: Possibly. [Clacks away.] Nothing older than Yamarashi.

Newt: I only need one it doesn’t matter which. [Messes around computer things.] Here!

Hermann: A spike?

Newt: Before the Kaiju emerged. Bump. Month or two. Kaiju. We may have just gotten a timeline.

Hermann: We certainly have our proof.

Newt: [Forces Hermann into a split second hug.] Thank God you’re so OCD.

Hermann: I’ll assume that was intended to be a complement.

Newt: You bet your ass! [Runs off shouting.] Daddy’s bringing home the bacon!

[Hermann shakes his head and gets back to work.]

 

Hansen: A bump.

Hermann: The same phenomenon observed in the original breach. Every attack was preceded by this small spike in the signature.

Hansen: How long?

Hermann: I cannot assume it will follow the same timeline. We also do not have access to data from earlier attacks. At best it is an educated guess.

Hansen: Educate in our favor, Dr. Gottlieb.

Hermann: Of survival or acquiring funding? [Hansen nods with a quiet 'you know which'] Right, of course Marshall.


	10. Chapter 10

[Three weeks in.]

Tendo: Newt! PONS!

Newt: Oh sweet! [Greasy, oil stains. Working on a Jaeger.] Calibrating sucks when’s your crew taking over?

Tendo: My “crew” is two grad students and that other kid that I’m pretty sure lied about being in college.

Newt: Way more than we had before dude. Let me at this bad boy.

[It’s in pieces.]

Newt: Well shit.

Tendo: I think everything is here at least. Good luck.

Newt: Gonna take a Goddamned miracle. Whip me up some voodoo Tendo.

Tendo: Will do brother. [Gets Newt coffee.] Have fun with your brain scrambler.

 

Hansen: When you three started you were pathetic. Today is the first time I’ve thought this isn’t a completely dodgy plan.

[Mac is soaking up the praise.]

Dennis: We’ve done nothing but work out all day for weeks! I hope we’re- they’re, not still pathetic.

Hansen: In another month you may just be ready to try piloting. Maybe.

Mac: Sweet! [Dorky salute when Hansen dismisses them.]

Dee: What the hell was that Mac.

Dennis: This is a weird way to hit on someone.

Mac: I’m not hitting on anyone!

Dee: You’re definitely hitting on him.

Mac: No! No, I’m not! You don’t know anything bird!

Dee: You’re a bird. [Awkward silence.]

Dennis: This is stupid. Mac, you’re hitting on him and it’s fine, really, no shame. He’s attractive-

Dee: Single.

Dennis: Honestly Dee I’m surprised you haven’t tried anything.

Dee: I’m off military men. You know the whole Ben thing.

Dennis: Right. That whole mess. Probably for the best.

Dee: He’s all your Mac… where’d he go?

 

[Mac storming off. Finds Charlie on the ground working on the PONS.]

Mac: Charlie!

Charlie: Oh, hey Mac. Hand me that voltmeter would you?

Mac: The what?

Charlie: The yellow thingy.

Mac: Oh, here. [Sits cross legged.] Dee and Dennis are bitches.

Charlie: Oh boy. I’ll listen dude I’m just fixing this shit.

Mac: They keep saying I’m hitting on the Marshall dude, but I’m not gay so they’re obviously lying-

[Charlie sets down his tools.]

Mac: -and I don’t even like him that way anyway. They’re trying to mess with me dude it sucks. I don’t want it to be weird he’s just a cool guy.

Charlie: Jesus Mac.

Mac: What? He’s strong and handsome, totally a badass.

Charlie: Do you listen to yourself talk, like at all dude?

Mac: Not really. What did I say?

Charlie: Nothing. Hansen’s a great guy Mac. Ask him about Australia sometime it’s badass down there.

Mac: Yeah that sounds cool. Can I help you do this thing?

Charlie: Sure, extra hands are always welcome. Screwdriver, flathead.

Mac: What’s this thing do? [Hands it over.]

Charlie: It’s for drifting. It’s like, mechanical telepathy, sort of. The bigger Jaegers need two pilots. Too much for one brain. So the PONS, this machine, lets two people be in each other’s heads so they can work the Jaeger in sync.

Mac: But our robot things are only one person?

Charlie: Yep. Dude, we do not have the money or time for a giant Jaeger. We’re still trying to weaponize the ones we have. Amplifier. [Holds out a hand.] [Mac’s scratching his head.] What’s up dude?

Mac: How’d you get so smart dude?

Charlie: Dude you’re smart too.

Mac: You think?

Charlie: Yeah dude, you just gotta figure out what you’re smart at. Hammer.

 

[Tendo measuring Dee, Dennis, and Mac.]

Tendo: You are one tall lady.

Dee: Why tha-

Dennis: She prefers stilt-like.

Dee: I do not! Goddamnit Dennis you’re taller than me!

Tendo: Please don’t move these suits need to fit right.

Dennis: What do these “suits” look like? I prefer three piece-

Tendo: Skin tight, armor like. Each one is custom to the pilot. [Pauses at Newt/Charlie.] You too?

Charlie/Newt: Marshall wants everyone ready. We should probably measure you too.

Tendo: Buddy, if I’m out there then we’re probably dead.

Charlie/Newt: Don’t jinx us.

[Measuring Dennis, who is very tense holding in his stomach.]

Tendo: Brother, don’t suck it in. We want form fitted not vice-like.

Dennis: I’m no- [Dee smacks his stomach, he coughs.] Fine. Stupid bird trying to make me look bad.

Mac: I bet Dee’s giant bird feet will scare the whatevers back where they came from. Leave shoes off her suit.

Tendo: Got some great friends here Newt.

Charlie/Newt: You can really feel the love.


	11. Chapter 11

[Hermann at his chalkboard.]

Mac: Hey, uh, science dude?

Hermann: I do have a name Mr. McDonald.

Mac: Mac. And uh… Dr. Guy?

Hermann: Gottlieb.

Mac: Right! What’re you doing?

Hermann: I am making a predictive model for this breach, to determine when a possible attack will occur.

Mac: Dude there’s way too many letters-

Hermann: Variables.

Mac: Well, sure math has variety but you’re not writing numbers.

Hermann: Was there something you wanted Mr. McDonald?

Mac: No, so, well, there’s this… part… [Trying desperately to understand the math.]

Newt/Charlie: Hey Her… Mac?

Mac: Charlie! Dude I don’t think math’s my smart thing.

Charlie/Newt: It’s not for most people that aren’t Hermann. I think it’s a waste of time really-

Hermann: Newton if you insist upon-

Charlie/Newt: Numbers are the closest we get to the language of God [Mocking.] blah blah.

Hermann: You’re insufferable! Why don’t you go find something useful to do! Preferably far away from my workspace!

Charlie/Newt: Oh, so we’re claiming spaces again? Where’s the floor tape now Hermann? Ha! There is none! I’m over here [Draws a crude stick kaiju on the board.] Now I’m over here! [Upturns Hermann’s chair.]

[Hermann is so red and angry.]

Mac: Charlie?

Charlie/Newt: WHAT. [Hansen is standing beside Mac.] Oh, um… hello Marshall.

Hansen: Couldn’t even last a month?

Charlie/Newt: Just uh… blowing off steam sir.

Hansen: [Looks up to the ceiling.] Don’t know how- [Stands up straight, arms back.]

[Mac copies Hansen’s stance. Charlie notices and tries not to laugh.]

Hansen: Dr. Geiszler- [Crosses his arms. Mac follows, trying to look stern.]

Charlie/Newt: I’ll play nice I swear! [Backs up and elbows Hermann, who balks but lets out a tiny snort when Newt points out Mac copying Hansen.] See, best buds Marshall.

Hermann: Just a friendly spat is all.

Hansen: Be sure to keep it friendly. [Nods to Mac as he leaves, Mac gets flustered.]

Mac: Um… weights. [Runs off.]

Newt: Oh my God. [Starts laughing hard.]

Hermann: I almost didn’t notice.

Newt: I don’t think he even realizes he’s copying Herc. It’s kind of adorable, and a little creepy. [Rights the chair.]

Hermann: I’m sure if he was closer to fourteen it would be more endearing.

Newt: Well, back to science. Seriously dude are we doing the tape thing again?

Hermann: I suppose we could do without… as long as you keep your kaiju entrails on your side. [Newt makes a face when Hermann turns away.] Did you have something you wanted to discuss?

Newt: Huh? Oh! The PONS!

 

[Machine definitely has some duct tape patches.]

Hermann: And you referred to my Jaegers as trash.

Newt: Shut up it was missing a lot of screws. The components should all be fine.

Hermann: Why did you require my presence?

Newt: Well we gotta test it right?

Hermann: On ourselves? Newton of all the idiotic-

Newt: We’re drift compatible! And don’t get all pissy I did preliminary testing and it’s working fine. It’s safe, I swear.

Hermann: Perhaps… if you let me see the test data first.

Newt: Sweet! C’mon no time like the present!

 

[Cut to helmets on.]

Newt: You ready for this?

Hermann: As ready as I ever will be, Dr. Geiszler.

[A flash of blue. Swirls, fade to black]

 

Hansen: I must say, Mr. Choi, these suits make them look very-

Tendo: Capable sir?

Hansen: Something like that.

Mac: Holy shit Den we look awesome!

Dennis: I have to agree. Even Dee cleaned up nice. [Dee pops a pose.]

Charlie/Newt: Jesus I still feel like a little kid. [Twists in his suit.]

Tendo: I feel you brother believe me.

Charlie/Newt: Dude we would make a badass team shorty.

Tendo: Pass, brother. You and Gottlieb would do better trust me. Leave me in LOCCENT.

Charlie/Newt: We’d argue the Jaeger right off a cliff.

Hansen: Today [Loud enough to get everyone’s attention.] We’re getting in some of the Jaegers.

Tendo: Dee, you get in… Big Bird? Who the hell named these?

[Charlie/Newt laughing.]

Dee: Goddamnit Charlie I’m not using the bird robot!

Charlie/Newt: It’s Condor, really, and it doesn’t look like a bird okay?

Tendo: Newt, you get Tiny Dancer.

Charlie/Newt: HERMANN!

Dee: Ha, now look who’s laughing!

Tendo: [Shakes his head and tosses his paper over his shoulder.] Ass Blaster?

Charlie/Newt: It’s a joke! But it’s totally Mac’s. No that one’s something like… who gives a shit let’s just go.

Tendo: Gorilla [Mac.] and… Whatever let’s go with Gazelle [Dennis.].


	12. Chapter 12

Hansen: Just like the simulations, nice and easy.

[All four in various stages of syncing with their Jaegers.]

Tendo: Everybody settle in. Connections are good. Condor Gazelle Gorilla Tiny Dancer.

Charlie/Newt: Gee this is so fun I’m so lucky I got an adjective in my Jaeger’s name.

Tendo: Looking good looking good. Swordsman [Dee in Condor.] Gunman [Dennis in Gazelle.] Muscle [Mac in Gorilla.] Plasma cannon [Newt/Charlie in Tiny Dancer.]

Charlie/Newt: Sweet. [Clicking switches.] Plasma cannons offline.

Hermann: And for good reason, Tiny Dancer.

Charlie/Newt: HERMANN I SWEAR TO GOD-!

Tendo: Easy brother some of us want out hearing. For today we’re staying in the bay. Get your bearings walking around.

Mac: Elvis dude? There’s a lot of button shit in this thing.

Tendo: Yours is the most kinetic, punching, for the layman. Most of those buttons aren’t for you to worry about.

Mac: So if I push one-

Tendo: DON’T.

Mac: I wasn’t going to!

Dee: Jesus Mac don’t try to kill us with your dumbass robot. What’s mine got again?

Tendo: Swords, Deandra.

Mac: What! I want swords! That’s bullshit!

Dee: You can’t be trusted with swords dickhole!

Dennis: You said I was the gunman? How do I fire them?

Tendo: You will be, Dennis. For now Gazelle’s guns are offline.

Dennis: I can’t even defend myself against these idiots?

Tendo: You’re not fighting each other!

Hansen: Christ. All of you just try walking around the bay’s perimeter.

[By far the ugliest display of Jaeger piloting in the history of Jaegers. Dennis tips over at one point. Mac makes a hole in the wall. Dee bashes into Mac and they try to fight. Newt can’t even bring himself to move he’s mortified.]

Tendo: Well no one said they were actually capable.

 

Hansen: [Walking in front of the four pilots.] Geiszler, go help Tendo with repairs.

[Newt/Charlie hurries away.]

Hansen: Do you three think this is a game? We could be days away from an attack, and the minute you get into a big robot you act like it’s all fun and games, just a big toy to play with. You’re all a bloody disgrace. You two [Points to Mac and Dee.] suicide drills. Then, McDonald, you’re patching that hole you made in the wall, and after that, Jaeger repairs, the both of you.

Mac: Yes sir. [Super meek puppy face.]

Dee: Yeah ye- [Hansen livid.] Yes sir.

Hansen: Dennis, since you so skilfully tipped your Jaeger over before you even went across the room you’re waxing the hull until the scratches aren’t visible. All of you get to it or I’ll stop being nice.

 

[Newt leaning over Tendo’s chair, both assessing the damage. Still in suit.]

Hansen: Geiszler!

Newt: Yes Marshall.

Hansen: That was one of the worst disasters in the Jaeger program.

Newt: I know sir, but please, give them a shot, I know they can-

Hansen: You better hope your friends shape up or the only thing they’ll be good for is bait. If they aren’t helping us win they’re out.

Newt: But sir-

Hansen: Let me be clear, Dr. Geiszler. One way or another, incompetency will not be the reason we fail. Am I clear? [Newt, frustrated, eyes watery, nods.] Good.

[Newt waits until Hansen leaves before throwing a chair and storming off.]

Tendo: Newt, hey brother it’s-

Newt: Shut it!

[Tendo nods and turns back to his monitors.]

 

Newt: They’re just… I know they can do it if they just stop being assholes for like, five minutes.

[Hermann glances over from hs chalkboard. Raises one eyebrow.]

Newt: Get out of my head or let’s just drift again. None of this ghost drift shit. Anyway, Hansen’s right, I know that, this is important. But they’re like family to me.

Hermann: It’s perfectly acceptable to be worried for them Newton. I have already encouraged my siblings to move eastward for the time being.

Newt: Good idea. God, I wish we could pilot the big guy. I’m worried about the guys drifting.

Hermann: We both know why that won’t work presently. And have a little faith, Newton. They’re rather resilient. Perhaps they will surprise you.

Newt: Yeah, surprises from them never backfire. [Rubs his eyes.]


End file.
